From dcs.ed.ac.uk!festival!str-ccsun!warwick!pipex!howland.reston.ans.net!cs.utexas.edu!swrinde!sgiblab!munnari.oz.au!news.uwa.edu.au!gobeirne Tue Apr 5 18:47:09 1994 Xref: dcs.ed.ac.uk alt.fan.monty-python:28182 alt.comedy.british:9435 Path: dcs.ed.ac.uk!festival!str-ccsun!warwick!pipex!howland.reston.ans.net!cs.utexas.edu!swrinde!sgiblab!munnari.oz.au!news.uwa.edu.au!gobeirne From: gobeirne@tartarus.uwa.edu.au (Greg O'Beirne) Newsgroups: alt.fan.monty-python,alt.comedy.british Subject: THE ORIGINAL BOOKSHOP SKETCH Date: 5 Apr 1994 04:34:26 GMT Organization: The University of Western Australia Lines: 160 Message-ID: <2nqpoi$sk2@styx.uwa.edu.au> NNTP-Posting-Host: tartarus.uwa.edu.au Summary: Script to the original Bookshop sketch Keywords: Monty, Python, Chapman, Cleese, Feldman, Script X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] Sorry everyone, what with spelling mistakes, cancellations, misplaced reposts etc... This should work! :) Here we go again: I've found (& transcribed) the original Bookshop sketch!! It's slightly different to the Python version, so it's worth a read... :) I got it from: "No More Curried Eggs For Me" Compiled by: Roger Wilmut Published by: Meuthen, London, 1983 ISBN: 0 413 53680 7 As the preface to the Bookshop sketch, it says: The predecessor to Monty Python's Flying Circus was "At Last The 1948 Show". It consisted of two series of programmes broadcast by ITV in 1967. The sketch included here was written by John Cleese and Graham Chapman, and was first broadcast on 1st March 1967. The performers were Cleese and Marty Feldman, then at the beginning of his career as a television and film performer." Here is the script as they performed it: BookSeller = John Cleese (C) Customer = Marty Feldman (F) C: Good morning, sir. F: Good morning, can you help me? Do you have a copy of "Thirty days in the Samarkand Desert With A Spoon" by A.J.Elliot? C: No, we haven't got it in stock, sir. F: How about "A Hundred-and-One Ways to Start a Monsoon"? C: By...? F: An Indian gentleman whose name eludes me for the moment. C: Well, I don't know the book, sir. F: Not to worry, not to worry. Can you help me with "David Copperfield"? C: Ah, yes, Dickens. F: No. C: I beg your pardon? F: No, Edmund Wells. C: I think you'll find Charles Dickens wrote "David Copperfield". F: No, Charles Dickens wrote "David Copperfield" with two "p"'s - this is "David Coperfield" with *one* "p" by Edmund Wells. C: Well in that case we don't have it. F: Um - funny, you've got a lot of books here. C: Yes, we do have quite a lot of books here, but we don't have "David Coperfield" with one "p" by Edmund Wells. We only have "David Copperfield" with two "p"'s by Charles Dickens. F: Pity - it's more thorough than Dickens. C: More *thorough*?? F: Yes - I wonder if it's worth having a look at all the "David Copperfield"s... C: No, no, I'm quite sure that all our "David Copperfield"s have two "p"'s. F: Probably, but the original by Edmund Wells also had two "p"'s - it was after that that they ran into copyright difficulties. C: No, I'm quite sure that all our "David Copperfields" with two "p"'s are by Charles Dickens. F: How about "Great Expectations"? C: Ah yes, we have that... F: That's "G-r-a-t-e Expectations", also by Edmund Wells. C: Well, in that case we don't have it - we don't have anything by Edmund Wells, actually - he's not very popular. F: Not "Nicholas Nickleby? That's K-n-i-c-k-e-r, Knickerless? C: No. F: Or "Christmas Carol" with a q? C: No, definitely not. F: Sorry to trouble you. C: Not at all. F: I wonder if you have of "Rarnaby Budge"? C: No, as I say, we're right out of Edmund Wells. F: No, not Edmund Wells - Charles Dickens. C: Charles Dickens? F: Yes. C: You mean "Barnaby Rudge". F: No, "Rarnaby Budge" by Charles Dickens - that's Dikkens with two k's, the well-known Dutch author. C: No, no - we don't have "Rarnaby Budge" by Charles Dikkens with two k's, the well-known Dutch author, and perhaps to save time I should add right away that we don't have "Carnaby Fudge" by Darles Tikkens, nor "Stickwick Stapers" by Miles Pikkens with four m's and a silent q. Why don't you try the chemist? F: I have - they sent me here. C: Did they. F: I wonder if you have "The Amazing Adventures of Captain Gladys Stoat-pamphlet and Her Intrepid Spaniel Stig among the Giant Pygmies of Corsica", Volume Two? C: No, no, we don't have that one - funny, we've got quite a lot of books here. F: Yes, haven't you. C: Well, I mustn't keep you standing around all day... F: I wonder... C: No, no, we haven't. - I'm closing for lunch now... F: But I thought I saw it over there. C: Where? F: Over there... C: What? F: Olsen's "Standard Book of British Birds". C: Olsen's "Standard Book of British Birds"? F: Yes. C: O-l-s-e-n? F: Yes. C: B-i-r-d-s? F: Yes. C: Yes, well we do have that one. F: The expurgated version, of course. C: I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. F: The expurgated version. C: The *expurgated* version of Olsen's "Standard Book Of British Birds"? F: Yes. It's the one without the gannet. C: The one without the gannet? They've all got the gannet - it's a standard bird, the gannet - it's in all the books. F: Well I don't like them, long nasty beaks they've got. C: Well you can't expect them to produce a special edition for gannet-haters! F: Well, I'm sorry, I specially want the one without the gannet. C: All right! {tears out illustration} Anything else? F: Well, I'm not too keen on robins. C: Right! Robins - robins... {tears them out} No gannets, no robins - there's your book! F: I can't buy that - it's torn! C: It's torn! So it is! {Throws it away} F: I wonder if you've got... C: Go on, ask me another - we've got lots of books here - this is a bookshop you know! F: How about "Biggles Combs His Hair"? C: No, no, no, we don't have that one, no, no, funny - try me again. F: Have you got "Ethel The Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying"? C: No, no, we haven't got - which one? F: "Ethel The Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying" C: "Ethel The Aardvark"? I've seen it! We've got it! Here! Here! Here! "Ethel The Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying". There! Now - buy it! F: I haven't got enough money on me. C: I'll take a deposit! F: I haven't got *any* money on me. C: I'll take a cheque! F: I haven't got a cheque-book. C: It's all right, I've got a blank one! F: I don't have a bank account. C: Right! I'll buy it for you! {rings it up} There we are, there's your change - that's for the taxi on the way home - F: Wait, wait, wait... C: WHAT? WHAT? F: I can't read! C: Right- SIT!... "Ethel The Aardvark was trotting down the lane one lovely summer day, trottety-trottety-trot, when she saw a Quantity Surveyor...." The End. ______________________________________________________________________________ ,-_|\ Greg O'Beirne \\ EMail - gobeirne@tartarus.uwa.edu.au / \ University of // Phone - (+61 9) 434 2787 *_,-._/ Western Australia \\ For more information... type: v // finger gobeirne@tartarus.uwa.edu.au _________________________________\\___________________________________________