Chemicals leave Holes
As the acidity of the chemicals burns my throat, I do not hear what the white gowned man says.
I stare in a distance that I have never traversed before; I stare and see all my loved ones still looking at me
I see a boat and I see a horizon, and I look back, cowardly and shakily, at all those faces which smile nervously
Some days are bad and some are worse, and it is the worst ones that I do not fear at all
Those are the days when I surpass my insecurities, my anxiety for failing, I go beyond feeling alone
I can see a life, I can see the life bright... in flames, I see the life move... wriggle and wither.
Some days I wish I was not here, some days I wish I was not at all, and at other days, I simply exist
Reason spirals away and words fail me now, I want to go back to the people who care, I am convinced
Is it just me, or does everyone go through this; like déjà vu, where we think its only me but its not.
Like the first heart break where we think we loved like no one else only to have it broken again
I look up to see the face above the white gown having an alien smile, and tense, maybe mutual
I want to stare away at my parents, at my cousins, and friends, who offer a better smile, assuring
I am selfish, I am ashamed. I need to be touched, to be reminded I am not all bad, to know I am here
Here's where I'd rather not be, but here where I'd still at least exist, so I can hope for another day
And the boat waits but the water recedes, away and away and I feel the ardour of the chemicals
Strength is not about not getting hurt, but strength is about coping, when the splinters buried in the heart hurt on,
All over again, as drowsiness takes over me, and I know I am loved so I love, I am cared for so I care, I extend myself
And the faces look at me, from a distance which I can definitely cover, in a matter of days, months or years.
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