I will try and load up this page with some laughs, feel free to send additions!
I bolded my favourites.
PS: I am ignoring copyright issues, these were all either heard from friends or read on digg or scrapped form some website. :)


Microsoft gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house.


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.


Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.


If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0
To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.


Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

A cop pulls over Dr. Heisenburg and says, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
Dr. Heisenburg responds, "NO, but I know EXACTLY where I am"


I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
"When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows', people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*'." -- Linus Torvalds